I want to talk to you about relationships. There are a dozen ways I can tackle this topic, but I want to focus on one specific feature of relationships for this blog. Let’s talk about trust. If you have experienced broken trust in a relationship before, it can be difficult to learn to trust again. There is a way to restore broken relationships through the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

Where It Starts

Family research tells us that many children lose trust in their parents before the age of 4. Specific things need to happen between the relationship with a child and his/her parents at a young age. When this does not occur, mistrust forms the way the child(ren) grows up in the world. Research also tells us that by the age of 2, most children have a picture of what a relationship may look like through their eyes, healthy or unhealthy. When trust is lost, relationships decay from the inside out.

Example

My mom and I have not had a healthy relationship since my father passed away. I have not agreed with some of the choices my mom has made, and now feelings of hurt, betrayal, and mistrust underpin our relationship. I have given myself the freedom to harbor these feelings towards my mom because I believe I have the right to.

May I be candid with you today, friend? I fear what my mom would do with my feelings if I shared with her how I felt because of the recent choices she has made. I fear that she would deny (i.e., gaslighting; Contact Me if you want to learn more about the effects gaslighting has on a relationship) how I am feeling. I fear that I would lose more trust in our relationship because of her disavowing how she has hurt me. Remember, trust (among other variables) generates an authentic relationship between a child and caregiver early on. So, I fear the love that I desire to receive, I will not get if my mom and I spoke.

What Does The Bible Say About It?

I admit that I do not trust Christ’s sufficiency to help me through the painful experience with my mom. I do not want to give control of my feelings over to God, because I trust I can care for them better than He can.

In Philippians 4:8, Paul announces that God grants peace to those that praise and pursue “whatever is pure”. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

1 Peter 5:8 says that we (Christians) are to be “sober-minded”.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

In Luke 6:37, the apostle Luke tells Theophilus to “…forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Would you come alongside me to pray that God would grant me the courage to trust Him so that I can pursue healing in my relationship with my mom? Pray that God would enable me to hold onto Him to rebuild trust, through His grace, to sustain me regardless of how long it takes to rebuild trust.  

How To Restore Relationships In Christ

Friend, are you wondering how to heal the relationships in your life today? Put your faith in Christ, do not wait! His love, grace, compassion, mercy, and power will motivate you to push against cultural norms. Culture tells us today that individualism is prioritized over relationships. Relationships are the main way that Jesus Christ can show his love towards us.

Steps to restore your most valued relationships:

1. Choose to follow Christ – Christ’s power heals you so that he can heal relationships through you.
2. Pray and read the Bible – build your relationship with Christ.
3. Seek a prayer partner to teach you how to pray over broken relationships.
4. Find a church to get connected with other believers; a deeper connection with the local church helps you deepen your connection with God (Ephesians 2-4, ESV).

I AM THEY is a Christian music group that produced a song that I believe summarizes much of what I have been discussing with you all today. To close, may God speak words of love and grace to you through these lyrics:

“So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
Now I’m sending in confidence
With the strength of your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore” (Scars)

Learn more about relationships through the series “Relation-Shift” available to watch at The Village Live.

You can follow along on your own, with a friend, or with a group using these discussion guides: 
Relation-Shift- Week 1-5.