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Is God Right For Me?

I, like many Christians before me, have gone through a lot of spiritual change and transformation and have asked myself, “Is God Right For Me?” As I’ve taken time to reflect lately, I thought that I’d share my story.

I grew up at The Village, with incredible and loving parents, who are still to this day two of my greatest supporters. We went to church every Sunday. I would go to Sunday school or to “big church”. Throughout my childhood we would often talk about the message and its meaning, as well as the important aspects of being a Jesus follower.

Fast-forward to seventh grade, and I got baptized! It was an amazing moment,  celebrated with my family, and was happy about my decision for the most part. There was a part of me that was filled with uncertainty. That was right before I went through what I like to call my “low spot”, which was eighth grade and my freshman year of high school.

How Low Can You Go?

A combination of toxic friends, a non-religious boyfriend, and stressful health issues followed by weight gain definitely put me in a low spot. I was seriously questioning if God even existed at all, often feeling uncomfortable at church, as if I didn’t belong or was an imposter. I was wondering if this whole God thing was really for me, and I decided that I would be just fine without him there.

Uh-huh. I only felt empty, which pushed me away further. I was wondering how God could let me feel so empty and hollow if He really did love me. Fast-forward to January of Freshman year. I had a difficult breakup and just more emptiness. I finally told my parents about how lost I was, and they helped guide me in the right direction. They helped me to order my life, but I still hadn’t accepted that it was my struggling faith that was at the root of my problems.

One Moment Changed Everything

The emptiness persisted. Months later, in the spring of 2020, I had my moment, my epiphany, as I like to think of it. It was strangely sudden, and it caught me off guard, but I prayed. I don’t know why, it was over something trivial, but I remember thinking, “Thank you, God.” And that simple thought sparked this strange warmth in me. So I kept the conversation going, as if I were talking to my dad, just saying what was on my mind. I opened up my heart for the first time in ages. All of my regrets, pain, and secrets. Over the next few weeks, I prayed more often. Over the course of time, He cleansed me, of everything. I felt clean, even more so than what I felt at my baptism. I returned to Him, and He took me in with open arms.

Since then, I’ve wavered on occasion. I go long stretches without praying very frequently, and then inevitably, I feel more overwhelmed and stressed than I otherwise would have. But there have been several moments, such as my mom’s cancer, where I shared my pain with Him, and His comfort has been greater than I could’ve imagined.

A Pleasant Surprise

The more I involve Him in my life, the more I find that I am content, and I see more joy around me, even in times of pain. I’ve learned that no pain I can experience can eclipse God’s goodness. When I go to Him, I feel at peace. For those of you who are wondering if this whole God thing is right for you, I might suggest that you take a moment to seek earnestly. No matter where you are in life, He will take you. He wants you; He wants your heart. His hand is always outstretched towards you, waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to take it. You may be surprised by where your life goes from there.

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