What Happens When You Let God Into Your Marriage?
Marriage is so easy, said nobody ever! Hurting. Thriving. Painful. Great. Disconnected. Committed. So/so. However, you might describe your marriage; I think we can all agree that marriage is a journey! For my husband and me, it’s a ride we’ve considered to be wild… and worth it. Re/Engage is now one of the most significant parts of our marriage story and might be for yours too. A few years ago, we hit a rough patch. On the outside, few, if any, would have known. But God knew. And we knew. We were a little more than a year into attending church and started meeting with Pastor Charlie. He mentioned this “marriage ministry” called Re/Engage. For us, we had started to feel hopeless, to be honest, and figured it couldn’t hurt. Ummm. We were wrong. But in the BEST way! We quickly realized (our first time around, because we are two-time attendees) we were in a small pilot of the program. Initially, we felt intimidated. All of these other couples seemed to have it together, and we didn’t. Each week we met in a large group for a bit, but then spent the majority of our time in our small groups. This small group setting consisted of our leaders and three other couples. I wish I could say we instantly felt comfortable. In some ways we did. Everyone was nice and supportive, but we knew how much was hinging on this experience for us. We felt no one else would get it. By week 3, we started to warm up and share. This is what I mean when I say it was hard. It’s not easy to be honest and truly invest in the process. But each and every group member made us feel so loved. Everyone spoke with compassion, support, and, most of all, hope. We never felt judged and could hardly believe it. Halfway through, we were fortunate enough to feel like we had a “breakthrough.” It was a challenging week at home discussing the short homework, followed up by a vulnerable small group session. But after? Something had shifted. God was working! Was it smooth sailings after that, forever and ever happily ever after? Nope. But did it break down walls to open up healing, hope, and communication? Yes. Very much so. It’s been 2 years since we started our first Re/Engage class. God has been so faithful. We still disagree–and use our tools. Perfectly? Nope, but we try. We still have very different personalities… that we embrace and enjoy about one another. All the time? Sure… haha. Our experience is one we rave about and credit for helping us get to where we are today. No marriage is perfect. But we serve a GOOD God who is FOR marriages! So… why should you consider Re/Engage for your marriage? Maybe things feel hopeless or like you don’t even care anymore? There’s always hope. God is calling you. You can find support, tools, and more. You aren’t alone! Maybe things are so/so? God wants more for you! Re/Engage teaches you REAL tools you can USE that change things. It can be fun and good again! Maybe things are great? Awesome! Find community in deepening your connection with God and each other. Again, you are not alone! We promise. God has you, and we do too. Accept this invitation to Re/Engage and see how God will work in your marriage! Sign Up For Re/Engage or Learn More
What Do Waiting Rooms And The Church Have In Common?
What do waiting rooms and the church have in common? Last week, I was in a hospital surgical waiting room for 10 hours. What an interesting place to observe. I listened to the man checking in the families give the same speech dozens of times. Here’s your free voucher for a small drink and directions to the cafeteria, and the lockers are over there. It was nearly the same, word-for-word, each time. He was very friendly. Some of the visitors came in as families, all anxiously waiting to hear how the surgery went. Most were by themselves. Some fell asleep. Others were constantly calling or texting, passing on updates to family and friends after they had received updates themselves. Four times, if I remember right, there was what sounded like a nursery lullaby over the PA system. New birth was celebrated throughout the hospital. As surgeries finished, most visitors were greeted by a smiling nurse saying, “All went well, you can expect to see them soon.” A few were greeted by the surgeon, and their update was given in another room, behind a closed door. Great news, good news, and bad news given throughout the day—that was what stayed on my mind the most from that experience over the last few days. And it got me thinking about the church. Everyone Is Welcome At Church Some people show up on Sunday mornings after a terrible week, or even a terrible season. They buried a parent, marriage is full of tension, or the kids have been a struggle. Maybe all the above. Others show up full of joy, God has provided yet again! The friend they invited finally accepted and came with, and they had a great conversation about faith on the way over. The new job came with a pay raise and better hours. There was no fighting on the car ride over, and the kids got ready early enough to grab coffee on the way in. People are walking in, bringing great news, good news, and bad news, and it reminded me of what Paul said to the church after writing about what the church is: a body. Near the end of his description, he wrote, “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” If I’m honest, it’s one of my favorite parts of the church. To the best of our ability, no one will suffer alone here. We may stumble over our words or not know what to say at all, but we suffer with you, even if we’re far from suffering. And we want to celebrate you, even if we’re in the midst of suffering. There’s something beautiful about that, so keep your head up and your eyes open. Look for those suffering and celebrating people—they’re all over the church, because they are the church. Suffer and celebrate together as you both look to Jesus, perhaps for very different reasons, because that’s what we do as the church. Connect In A Lifegroup. If you don’t go further than a church service, you’re missing out on all that God created for you! Life is better together so find a group and get connected.
Do You Feel Empty?
Are you missing a lasting satisfaction in life? Do the things that you are looking forward to having or achieving fade and leave you feeling empty again? I think I’m so passionate about Christ because I lived my life without Him for so long. Great on the outside. Inside – empty. Loving my kids and husband, of course, but constantly seeking something that I wasn’t aware I was missing. Can You Relate? I spent hours of mindless scrolling on TikTok or Facebook, emptying a few bottles of wine every night. Working out endless hours and tracking calories? Finding comfort in a political party? Binge-watching Netflix until 2 AM? Working on making the outside look great with material possessions and purchases? Brand names? The newest “fads”? I sought comfort in all of these things, yet none filled me. None of these could fill that void. When you’re living with that empty place inside that you’re not even aware of, life loses its beauty. When you love your husband or wife, but you complain about them, and you love your kids, but they’re exhausting and aggravating. You love your life, but to escape it if only for 15 minutes? Man, that would be amazing. I lived under the pretense that if I could only find “me time” for an hour, everything would somehow be better. That’s how I operated for so many years. I remember laughing off the idea of an “all-good, sovereign God” and mocking my closest friend’s faith (thank you for your forgiveness, both to my friend and to God). Jesus Fills The Void It wasn’t until Jesus literally grabbed my soul and turned me inside out that I felt that complete and total contentment. Purpose. Fulfillment. PEACE. Joy. The blessings in EVERY single season—yes, even the hard ones. Happiness in the chaos. Love inside our home. There was a black and white turning point in my life, and I’ll forever be grateful for that. I now see the true meaning of sacrificial love. Our marriage is radically transformed, renewed, and so much stronger. Our attitudes toward giving have changed so much. The way I look at those who are different from me is a complete 180 from what it used to be. Now we view our children as THE most important ministry. Not as interruptions or annoyances, but as physical proof of God’s blessings (even during temper tantrums and monumental, yes – monumental, fights). Spending hours in prayer and worship and connecting with the One who made you. Finding the beauty in everything. Living every moment in grateful response of the ULTIMATE sacrifice our creator gave for us. I remember reading a quote, and I can’t remember who it came from or what it was in. It went something like- “When you fully understand the magnitude of what Jesus did for you, you will live every single day of your life differently until you leave this Earth. If you aren’t living your life differently yet, then you don’t fully understand what he did.” From Emptiness To Peace It is my prayer that everyone would live to one day experience that peace and joy. A total and complete fulfillment that doesn’t leave you based on your circumstance. A peace that stays despite the bills, the pay cut, the kids’ school grades or sports shortcomings, or things in the news. That even in the midst of life’s terrible storms, your peace would not be shaken. That you could go confidently into whatever season of life you’re in, with the complete assurance that the creator of the universe is there, walking right alongside you. Check out these free Resources to help point to Jesus
Seasons
Have you ever stopped to think about how different times in your life are similar to how the seasons change? What have you learned in the different seasons of your life? There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 Some people are morning larks, while others tend to be night owls. I’m definitely in the first group. I love to wake up early when the house is still quiet and dark, pour a cup of coffee, light a candle, and nestle into my favorite spot in the front room. This is my devotional time, where I sit near the window and open the blinds so that I can see the first signs of morning as the sun peaks over the trees, read from my Bible, and end with prayer. It gets me off to a good start to my day. There Is Beauty In Every Season Recently, we had a snow day, so I got to sit and rest longer than usual. My devotional ended with this guided prayer. “God, how majestic is your name? When I look at the sky, I see glimpses of your glory. When I spend time in nature, I’m amazed by your creativity. And when I talk to the people you place in my life, I see your beauty reflected in their faces. You are so good and so worthy of all of my honor and praise.” As I prayed this prayer, I stared at the morning sky. It was gray and dull. The sun was coming up, but it was not a bright, warm sky. It was no longer dark; however, instead of an obvious source of glowing light from the sun, the sky was just an even shade of white as the storm clouds masked the sun itself. The snow had accumulated overnight, clung to the trees, and covered the ground. No other colors were visible except the white snow and the dark contrast from the bare trees. It was so simple, yet so beautiful. I was thankful for the extra time to just sit and watch the gentle flakes fall and accumulate on the snow-heavy branches. As little bits of daylight began to hit the fresh snow, it created a sparkle. It was as if someone had sprinkled tiny diamonds on the tips of the trees. My body was quiet and warm as I looked through the window at this perfectly painted winter scene. It was the stuff screensavers are made of. As I appreciated the artwork God had created that morning, my mind went back to the days during this past year when I had sat and looked at the same scene, yet it was so different. Necessary Changes Jesus said, “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near.” – Matthew 24:32 I remembered the summer season, when the daylight hours were plentiful. The sun rose early and set late, as the earth was closer to the sun. The nature around my house was busy, active and full of color. Every day, a new flower was blooming and bursting forth a new color to add to the mural of my flower bed. Each flower bloomed in its own time: first the peonies, then the lilies, and as the last lily lost its colorful petals, the shasta daisies bloomed; filling the flower garden with a fresh coat of white. “As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night.” – Genesis 8:22 As the season changed into fall, the same view of trees began to turn from bright green leaves into a mirage of rich, warm colors. A tree with beautiful, bright yellow leaves stood in the midst of the warm red and orange tones. It added the most unexpected and beautiful contrast. I was sad to see the final leaves drop to the ground. As winter approached and the days became shorter and the sun rose later and set sooner, a sort of sadness set in. I missed the days of beautiful colors, warm sunshine and signs of life. In the winter, everything slows down and an innate sense of hibernation seems to overtake all living things. The trees have a stark and stripped-down appearance. “He made the moon to mark the seasons, and the sun knows when to go down.” – Psalm 104:19 Preparing For The Next Season One year, we had unusually heavy snow in the fall before the trees had lost their leaves. The snow stuck to the leaves, and the weight of the heavy snow tugged the branches until a huge portion of the tree cracked under the weight and split the tree. It occurred to me how important and intentional the seasons are. God’s design is perfect. He thought of everything from efficiency to renewal, and He even cared enough to throw in beauty. “See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig
5 Reasons To Invest In Your Marriage
Do you invest in your marriage? When you hear the word invest, most people think about money. Investing money for the future is a good idea, but what do you invest in your marriage? Where do you see your marriage going 20 years from now? Are you going to have a partner for life, or a roommate you barely know? I think most people agree that when you get married, you hope to stay that way, but have you asked yourself why? Here are some reasons to think about. It’s Biblical First and foremost, God created everything, including marriage. Genesis 2:24 says: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. God also tells us how we are supposed to treat each other as husband and wife in Ephesians 5:33: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. There are many more examples related to marriage that you can find in the Bible, but the point is, God literally tells us how to make marriage work. He wants you to invest in your marriage. He created marriage for us to have companionship and joy in our spouse’s company. Read Song of Songs if you don’t believe me. Till Death Do We Part When you get married you make a promise to your spouse before God. It’s a long-term commitment. Kids, jobs, houses, busyness. Through all of it, the goal is to stay married because you promised to grow old together. You want to know and like the person you marry. Your spouse will be there when the kids grow up and move out, when you retire, and when you move into a smaller home for just the two of you to slow down and enjoy life. Be the Example If you have kids, you know they are sponges. They see and hear more than you think. Show them what a marriage is supposed to look like. Give them the benefit of a good example for their future. Set boundaries. While you make sure your kids know they are loved, make sure they also know your spouse is who you will be with after they grow up and move out and find spouses of their own. Same Team If you’ve ever played sports, you have heard the saying, “There’s no I in TEAM.” In order for any team to be successful the players need to participate, work together and encourage each other. You have each other’s back and stand up for each other. You each have a part to play and a responsibility to each other and you can rely on each other. In Good Times and Bad Life is hard sometimes. There will be disappointments, sickness, hardship and curve balls. You have each other to lean on for support. Don’t forget you have someone to celebrate the good times with too. Through the good times and the bad, your relationship can grow and mature right along with you. Investing in your marriage means that you will always have someone to honor God with, grow old with, teach your children with, do life with and laugh and cry with. Marriage is a blessing from God, so treat it like a gift that you cherish.
Think About This On Valentine’s Day
We are coming up on Valentine’s Day. My husband, Bob, and I are not a big Valentine’s Day couple, but I “love” the focus on love. Anytime is a perfect time to show love and appreciation for your significant other. Bob and I have been married for 20 years. He immediately drew my attention that first day, not because of his looks, but because he was courageous. Bob stood up for me even though he didn’t know me. He didn’t think twice when he saw injustice and responded in a calm and confident manner, without thinking of himself. We didn’t meet for a couple of months after this initial encounter, but I wanted to know who he was. Aren’t we always drawn to people of high character? We want to be associated with individuals we hold in high regard. I was quite enamored with Bob in our “honeymoon” years. I was in love and focused on every sweet and precious thing about him. It was easy to follow scripture during this time frame. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 Who Had Faults? My focus had been on all the good qualities and strengths. I wish I could say that remained the case. Like many of us, the “honeymoon stage” wore off. My focus, ever increasingly, turned to other things; work, school, children and worst of all, myself. I went through a period when I lost sight of what had immediately drew me in about Bob and of God’s grace in bringing him into my life. I began to take notice of things that irritated me and areas I thought he was not measuring up to my expectations. It happened quietly and slowly but increased rapidly unchecked. Just to be clear, I didn’t wake up one day with a plan to tear down my husband and I knew that our marriage was struggling. I was sure that was “his fault” too. Now, I know it was me who had changed the tone of our interactions. I was not being loving, patient or humble. I am so thankful for the love, grace, mercy I was shown during and after this timeframe. Thankfully, I realized it is pointless to move forward and backward at the same time. You just get tired and you don’t get anywhere. I am thankful for this scripture that helped me to accept the hand up and out of the mess I was in, “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24 I had always been known as being brave and courageous. I would define courage as bravery in action. It would take a new level of bravery to admit my flaws and faults. How had I allowed it to get this far? I had to be accountable for my shortcomings if I was going to turn away from them. I would have to have a new level of courage to humble myself and do what was necessary to allow God to restore my marriage. Fortunately, Bob had remained steadfast in the character that had drawn me to him in the first place. He was so quick to extend forgiveness, grace and mercy. In the 15 years that have followed, he has never brought up what was forgiven. He had the strength to leave the past where it belonged. 20 years into marriage and I am so thankful that God knows me completely, loves me so well, met me where I was, and provided me with the opportunity to grow. He loves all of us the same way. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. If you have a beautiful, loving relationship, thank God for it, remain focused on God first, your spouse second and yourself last. If you are struggling, know that God can restore anything that is broken and he wants to help. “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Genesis 18:14 Read about 5 Reasons To Invest In Your Marriage